Today was supposed to be
another day for new things to happen. I even made an splendorous plan to get my
friends together and have a mild afternoon. Nothing turned out the way I wanted
to, but AT THE END of the afternoon my friends arrived and shared with me their
beautiful smiles, shining light back into my gloomy bedroom -my bedroom was
clear with light, for I had dragged open the window curtains, but still it was
gloomy inside. Me and my friends had set a time for the meeting the day before
-5:ooPM. They arrived at 9:ooPM. I usually would've freaked out at 5:o2PM and
started calling or flashing everyone, but this time I didn't. I simply set
about watching gay themed movies. In those movies I watched many things I've
gone through, I've done, I've tried out, I've experienced, I've suffered from,
I've done to others, and those which yet I have not tried or experimented -or
never will. The last movie I watched was titled 'Noordzee, Texas'. It was
amazing to me the fact that both actors who played gay roles were performing
both sides of one of my life stories -the one who suffers and the one who
causes suffering. At some point I wanted to touch myself, but my willy was not
enabled by my brain. I couldn't finished watching that movie cuz my friends
arrived, nevertheless when they were gone I did. It is 1:14 AM in Moscow city
and I am writing this perhaps senseless entry that no one will finish reading
past the second or third line... To be honest, I didn't expect that when
writing this; I solely wanted to get some thoughts outta my head... and there
is no better way to do so that I know than this one. It's 1:18 AM, august 7th
and I still have more things that are trying to escape from my chest thru my
throat and mouth out, but my fingers indicate me that for today is enough.
